I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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