My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I party with great urgency now.
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