The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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