One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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