I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my vagina is haunted
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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