idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
