I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Quick, to the slutcave!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
