Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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