Having a random hookup so left but love u
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
