"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
