two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
