You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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