he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
