it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
