My nipple is on Facebook.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
