just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
