but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
