You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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