We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
