Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
