He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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