His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
