it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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