I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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