Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
