I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
