your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
