Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
