I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
