4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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