so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
