WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
