Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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