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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
