i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
