2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
