You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
