Porn is love you can see.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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