I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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