I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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