I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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