9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
