He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
