I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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