Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
