I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
