I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
