i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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