I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
