I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
