The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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