Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this hospital has no fireball
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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