I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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