did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
