I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
