I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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