Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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